Some thoughts and sayings to ponder………..  

Some cause happiness wherever they go and some whenever they go.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you
realize that there is perhaps another way to solve problems without using
violence …. 

A wise man once said nothing. 

A great landing is when you can reuse the plane. 

Having lost sight of our objectives, we need to redouble our efforts. 

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right. 

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.

Life isn’t fair, it’s just fairer than death! 

Don’t say it can’t be done to man who is doing it. 

When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. 

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. 

If you are riding ahead of the herd, take a look back now and then to make sure it’s still there. 

The world is full of people who are damn sure of things that ain’t so. 

Mother Nature doesn’t care whether the fox or the rabbit wins today, she merely gives both the potential. 

Not to decide is to decide.

Seeing is believing and believing is seeing. 

An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it. 

If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise. 

Dogs, the only exercise machine that doesn’t gather dust. 

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which is least known.  

Each new beginning is another new beginning’s end. 

If you think you’re fat, you probably are.

If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

When you look into the abyss, the abyss looks into you. 

Sic vis pacem para bellum.  If you want peace, prepare for war.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Remember, half the people you know are below average intelligence.

The second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines

Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them!

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.  

Ham and eggs…A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. 

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

The high cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

It’s hard to kiss the lips at night, that chewed your ass out all day long. 

Impotence is Mother Nature’s way of saying ‘No hard feelings….

Virginity can be cured.

Men find it difficult to make eye contact because breasts don’t have eyes.

Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

If you believe you can or can’t, you are absolutely right.

When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble, it’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.

We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
You don’t need a parachute to skydive, only to skydive again.
Hospitality is making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid. 

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Don’t worry about old age–it doesn’t last long.  

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. 

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.

Some days I wrestle with my demons, but other days we just snuggle. 

No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.

You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.

Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

When a pickpocket meets a saint, they see only their pockets. 

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on dinner. 

If it’s stupid, but it works, it isn’t stupid. 

Never share a fox hole with someone braver than you. 

Incoming fire has the right away. 

Tracers work both ways. 

Life is tough.  It’s tougher if you’re stupid. 

Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well
you bounce.

Life is simpler when you plough around the stump.

Don’t corner something meaner than you.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Only cows know why they stampede.

If you’re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then
to make sure it’s still there with ya.

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. 

Almost everything tastes better with either onion or bacon in it. 

Never hide your money or dope while stoned. 

We are the people our parents warned us about. 

Where have they gone?  I must hasten to follow them for I am their leader. 

If a man makes a statement with no woman present, is he still wrong?

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits”…….. 

Lifes not about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain 

If everything is important, then nothing is… 

Fervor is the weapon of choice of the impotent. 

When you grab the sword, grab it by the hilt. 

A fool and his money were lucky to get together in the first place.

Opinions are like assholes… everybody has one.

 I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.

To hide one lie, a thousand lies are needed. 

Sometimes, the best laid plans are best not made. 

There is absolutely nothing worse or more dangerous than a dumb hammer!!  

Better late than pregnant. 

Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 

Half the people you know are below average.

If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain. 

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines. 

A cow chip is paradise for a fly. 

Never trust a man that can look a pretty woman in the eye.  

The wildest broncos are those you rode someplace else. 

Too little temptation can lead to virtue. 

Never gamble with a man that can read both sides of the cards. 

It is hard to put a foot in a shut mouth. 

Outlaws and martyrs are greatly improved by death. 

Eagles don’t catch flies. 

If you want to stay single, look for the perfect mate. 

Even a friendly snake is an unwelcome guest. 

For a stable to get clean, someone has to get dirty. 

When two play, one wins. 

Lightning does the work while thunder takes the credit. 

Spread happiness where you go, not when. 

When you hear the night bird call during the day, it is time to duck for cover. 

Ugly women hate mirrors. 

You cannot turn chicken shit into chicken salad. 

Dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope.—Freewheelin’ Franklin 

Silence is golden but duct tape is silver. 

If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. 

I don’t do drugs, I smoke weed. 

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do! 

I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

Everything before the ‘but’ is bullshit.

I’m stoned what’s your excuse?

 All the darkness in the world, cannot put out a single candle.

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